Everything's done - Parent's signature, form is completed. I wonder what am i still waiting for. I'm wondering why am i hesitating so much. It's a rare chance, i finally can go to the school i yearn so much for the past 2 years. So what's up withthe hesitation? I don't understand, really. A lot of people disuade me from transfering, but some people persuade me to transfer too. If it's really approved, i'll miss all my friends, squad mates and teachers here, but the good thing is i get to have F&N. If it's not approved, i'll not get to take F&N, but i'll have all my friends, teachers and squad mates here, intact. So now what? I hate it when i'm feeling like that. It meant people's words really influence me. How i wish i don't have the need to go to school, then all this damn thing would end. How i wish.

Can i really back out now? I don't know. I won't think the principal will approve my special request if i tell him i want to go back cck for CCAs. I mean, if i'm tranfered there, then i'm officially a student from Zhenghua, and no longer part of CCK. How can i make such a absurb request, you tell me? And people tell me that CCK is a better school, in terms of academic and behaviour. People tell me CCK is near my house, so there's no need to spend money on the concession and new uniform. People tell me Zhenghua isn't such a good school as i've expected. People tell me Zhenghua is a very beautiful school. People tell me that i should follow my head instead of my heart. People tell me i should think of my future. People tell me all sort of stuff, but the main problem is, who should i trust? I can make a wrong decision once, but i can't afford to make the same mistake twice. I miss everything i have had here. I'll miss everyone i loved here. But, what should i do? I'm confused. I afraid to make a wrong decision. I'm afraid of everything. What should i do?

I've decided- the transfer of school. I'll be going to Zhenghua tml to collect the application form. Anw, thanks for the help, Jerel Pa. The bloody blogger still can't post photos. -'-

Some of you ask me why i've locked my blog. Because i don't want strangers/bitches/bastards who doesn't deserve to come in my blog to come in. They shouldn't probe in my private life, which has obviously nothing to do with them. Those fuckards are just damn irritating. However, if any of you betray me, they'll obviously see this post and start their mother fucking jealousy again. (After a conference between my Bitchy Sisters.) And yeah, they'll be happy if my application is approved. But, hell no, i'm not gonna let them off so easily. If they rob 10cents from me, i'm a person who wants to rob back $10. I mean, please, they don't have the rights. Well, i shouldn't talk about them. They don't deserve one bit.

Of course, after the change of school, i'll still contact you all, including my squad mates. We'll probably still be close, and i probably will come back during CCA time and see you all having CCA. I'll miss the fun times we had; i'll miss the times we had to endure together as a squad. I'll miss Mrs Ching's patience and guidance. I'll miss Mr Leong's lips and scolding from him and Mr Kong. I'll miss those times Mr Kong walked past us and joked with us. I'll miss Ms Lim's shiny forehead. I'll miss Intelligent Ms Tan's dry and strict science's. I'll miss Mdm Jiang's Higher Mother Tongue lessons and forcing us to work. I'll miss PE, where we get to get dirty as a class. I'll miss my class, who blamed Amsyar for making Ms Lim angry. I'll miss Ms Sim's sexy back. I'll miss Yuelin and Santa laughs. I'll miss Puay Yun and her bitchy attitude. I'll miss my Bitchy Sisters when we get together and laugh our head off when that disgusting girl yawned and stared at us.

I'm going to start anew. I promise myself i'll let everything go here and start anew in a new enviroment where not a lot of people know me. I promise i'm gonna be a good student and make good use of my 2 years in Zhenghua. I promise i'm gonna be a good daughter to my Mother and be fillal to her no matter what. I'm gonna be a new me.

But, i'll always this school. The bitterness, the sweetness, the dryness, the endurence. I'll remember my squadmates, FOREVER.

Damn, shucks blogger. I can't post photos, oh, bloody shiat.

Anw, i miss Nora. She's under home quarantine right now, and Kimberly and i miss her. I'm updating her with the events happening in school. Of course, including the one where Amsyar that bastard made Ms Lim angry. The whole class was very quiet for the first the first time after Ms Lim talked to Amsyar with disappointment. I mean, you can see it from her eyes. And few seconds later, the whole class went "AMSYAR!!!!". This was the first time our class liked a teacher so much, and this was the first time we defended a teacher. We forced Amsyar to go after Ms Lim to apologise to her. Well, Syazwan accompanied him. As expected, Ms Lim was really disppointed in Amsyar. Her reply was, "Let's see how you fare tml." or something like this. The whole class was blaming Amsyar. He got scolded he slept in class, and when he woke up, he told the teacher that her lesson was boring. I think he wasn't scolded because of the sleeping in class, because a lot others were sleeping. The line where he said Ms Lim's class was boring really broke her heart. Because she did things in order to please us. When we wanted to watch the Sixth Sense, she allowed us. When we wanted a break, she let us too. She was the kinda perfect teacher we've been praying for. She's not like Ms Ong, who ran away with our nametags, nor Ms Maz, who ran away with my diamond earring. She was patient, and the whole class really treated her as a friend.

Yup, my life's in a mess now. I'm hoping that the transfer application will be approve lah. But, i haven't applied for it yet. I wanted to wait a little more for me to think through my decision. There are people who encourages me to transfer, but there are also people telling me not to transfer. I'm messed up and irritated. More ever, this school isn't even my choice in the first place. I was really forced to come here. Of course, i made some friends, but i still don't think i fit in anywhere. I want to go to the school i like. Primary school- not my choice. Never mind, i endured 6 years. Secondary school- not my choice. 4 years. 6+4=10 years. How many 10 years are there in my life? It's my life, not my parent's nor MOE's. Why should they decide for me? My mother made a fucking statement that really pissed me off. "Before you turn 21, all your decisions will be made by your parents." What is this? What is this thing about 21? damn, you must as well buy a puppet. You can control it as and when you like, but i'm not your puppet. I'm your daughter. Shouldn't all big decisions regarding my life be made by me? Why can't i have a say in all these kinds of things? You think it's the right choice for me, but have you ever thought of my feelings? Have you ever thought what really suits me the most? Have you ever cared how unhappy i am whenever you made all those idiotic decisions without giving a damn about my opinion? Have you ever thought about what do i really want the most? It's your money that you love, not your daughter. It's your decisions that you respect, not mine. Have you ever thought about it? Why can't you spare a thought for my feelings instead of choking me with all those stress and things i don't want to do? You are making me feel terrible, don't you know? When i wear that uniform, i had already felt like skipping school again. Why can't you understand the real reason behind my stupid reason of being sick? Do you really think i'm sick? I hate the life that you gave me; i'm not your puppet nor dog.

What's wrong with blogger? I found a very nice picture of a swing and yet i can't upload it. Ok, never mind, forget it.

It's gonna be quite a short post because i'm busy, and i mean BUSY, nowadays. Tons of Chinese homework. And of course, Lead suck. I don't know why, but because homeworks are uploaded on it, that's why it suck.

Oh yah, i owe Aidil a BIG Happy Birthday. (:
Oi, Happy Birthday!!!! Hope you see this. :D
Hope you're never gonna get outta NS. Joke. :x

I've got a big big secret! Well, actually it's nothing. Never mind.

I'm going to buck up on my studies and score well for my EOY and try to get into a Pure class. (Well, impossible. I'll be grateful if i can get A-Maths.) A lot of people don't believe i can make it, especially Kevin, because i lost to him during the MYE. So while other's are going out or what shit, i'll be at home with my book, pen, correction tape and a notebook, studying. Great, this is my result of getting sucha crap shit result. Anw, this is not that secret, so don't be mistaken.

Oh yah, and thanks, Mrs Ching. (:

Jermaine, 14
Daydreamer, selfish, noisy and have mood swings every now and then.

"People become good by decision; not influence." 1 Cor 15:23



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